UKLI Joke 3 - Damned If I Know......

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period," said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that," she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

"Damned if I know," said the little boy, "but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

UKLI Joke 2 - George Falls in Love

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot."

"Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." George was brokenhearted.

After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too, George.

"I'm awfully sorry about this." George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister."

"Hee hee," his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "Don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father."

UKLI Jokes - Feeling Young

Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: "It makes you feel young again."John looks at Brian and says, "We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!"Brian agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.About one mile later Brian asks, "Well John, do you feel young yet?""No," replies John.So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.A couple of miles later, Brian asks, "John, do you feel younger?""No," replies John, "but I sure did a childish thing!"